Addicted to the cure

It pains me to write this post but the truth is social media and youtube is sucking me into a world I feel like has taken over my life and I need to break from it. The sad irony that youtube shows,vlog channels, and social platforms like twitter, instagram, tumblr and facebook are so inspiring to me have also become so addictive that they are making me more and more isolated using them. I hope no one can relate to this one. This is addicted to the cure.

Ok, so I have a few "old friends" that I stay in touch with(barley) and I have work colleagues that I like but really, I would say I don't have any "real" friends in my life. So finding out that youtube had original and much more personally orientated web shows along with vlogs was something of a revelation. I instantly fell in love with these shows and the people who did vlogs as is felt so personal breaking down the 4th wall. Looking back at it, it was the culture that was the desirable factor. Seeing youtubers go on other you tubers channels and channels that made so much diverse content with such small budgets was amazing. And of course the personal advice that they would give you. It feels like everyone in LA knows each other and are all open minded like I am. It appears to be a big family. I want that.

But once I started "following" people it becomes an addiction to see every tweet and watch every video so I don't miss anything, cos you never know what amazing thing might happen next. I would literately scroll back on twitter 16 hours every week day to look at all the American tweets (time difference and working 9-5). It just becomes a routine of procrastination thinking somehow you will see an opening so someone will "let you in". But yer, it's the culture. These are people I want to call my friends, but why on earth would they want to be friends with me. I mean we all had to start somewhere right? with nothing. I definitely have very little to show for myself and I'm 29. I imagine a lot of these youtubers who go to LA, go not knowing anyone, but just sign onto a few agency's looking for work. I think that is extremely brave. I am not.

So clearly I'm not happy in my own life and I think any youtuber or anyone that can relate would probably say that "you need to do something about it". That I need to make something to get noticed so people have a reason to like me. Being a good person isn't enough. And it is of course unfair to ask anyone in a position of power to do anything for someone they don't know as well as the fact that they probably have thousands of fans and they can't do favors for everyone. I'm not an idiot, I'm just stating the obvious. It does seem to be the way that good people are the weak and vulnerable ones and the assholes in this world are the ones that go to the top and achieve success. I've heard all the advice anyone can give me from people on the web and it is inspiring but it's never enough, I just can't get motivated before hand and social media has become a quick fix to cure my blues.

It pains me to do this as I'm going back to feel totally alone again but, I'm going to stop using social media from today except only answering people if anyone wants to speak to me, which I doubt. I must find a way to get motivated instead of procrastinating all the time. It feels like a mammoth task

to be continued...